I don't like feeling influenced. But I'm pretty sure whether I am conscious of it or not its going to happen anyway. I took a nap from about midnight to 5ish. This is probably a bad day to be getting drunk on the beach. It being cold is another solid reason not to go. For about 24 hours straight I've felt on the verge of tears. This started after...margaritas...? Isn't the opposite supposed to happen? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering my only experience rolling consisted of my wanting to run away screaming from everyone. I will be really happy when we get the fuck out of Gemini. I'm hoping deeply that it is the cause of this. I guess I could use a good night's sleep. And more grounding. Everything is just not right, the shit is just...not right. And I want people to get it, but I'm afraid I barely get it myself. Everyone is being tricked. Everyone is sleeping. I don't know if a partner will help this. There's a ruckess in my head. I tried grounding and it worked. I went to sleep. I woke up at dawn and felt the life and assurance draining out of me. I'm not afraid, this isn't fear...I feel...a lack. There is something I need to find and I know it, I just don't know what that is. The liquor makes me feel depressed and crazy and weirded out by the human race, what does this all mean? I don't get this, I'm glad no one really reads this. Everything sounds like a poem without words. Okay...there's the calm...or not....I need sleep.