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December 15th, 2010

marshmallow center with a yellow sugar skin. 

August 27th, 2010

Its about damn time

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The Change has just begun and we are on to something now. The air around me won't stop sparkling. I am ever grateful and running towards it.

This chapter has come to a close.

Find me here indigowaking.livejournal.com/

June 13th, 2010

Scatter Brained

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I don't like feeling influenced. But I'm pretty sure whether I am conscious of it or not its going to happen anyway. I took a nap from about midnight to 5ish. This is probably a bad day to be getting drunk on the beach. It being cold is another solid reason not to go. For about 24 hours straight I've felt on the verge of tears. This started after...margaritas...? Isn't the opposite supposed to happen? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering my only experience rolling consisted of my wanting to run away screaming from everyone. I will be really happy when we get the fuck out of Gemini. I'm hoping deeply that it is the cause of this. I guess I could use a good night's sleep. And more grounding. Everything is just not right, the shit is just...not right. And I want people to get it, but I'm afraid I barely get it myself. Everyone is being tricked. Everyone is sleeping. I don't know if a partner will help this. There's a ruckess in my head. I tried grounding and it worked. I went to sleep. I woke up at dawn and felt the life and assurance draining out of me. I'm not afraid, this isn't fear...I feel...a lack. There is something I need to find and I know it, I just don't know what that is. The liquor makes me feel depressed and crazy and weirded out by the human race, what does this all mean? I don't get this, I'm glad no one really reads this. Everything sounds like a poem without words. Okay...there's the calm...or not....I need sleep.

June 8th, 2010

I hung out with Nicko for about 24 hours straight. It was pretty dope, its almost like we're siblings. I've never hung out half naked with someone I wasn't intimately involved with. Its got a bit of a refreshing edge to it.

There's so much I could be working on right now. Its like pulling fucking teeth to produce something so far away from its deadline. I don't know what the fucking problem is. I would love to not procrastinate so goddamn much. But I just so happen to work reeeeally well under pressure. Go figure. That's how I got through Fiction II, and the rest of em. And I pulled a fucking A in that class. And that's the one I was going to fucking drop. HA. Never doubt yourself woman. Neeevveerrr. Just shows how much I don't know. God I never know anything. I always think I do, and I absolutely. never. do. I mean, its kind of cool to know that. How lovely, life really is full of surprises. I gotta get writing. Or at least reading, to work towards my goal. God please supply me with a new job. Fuck. I need to get to this myself. Where is my desire. Fuck. I am such a lazy fuck sometimes. Except when I score a 3.6 GPA...! That still is no excuse to lazy through entire days with best friends. Though it is summer. I should really be more productive though. I gotta get a book that's gonna push me towards a goal. And a bike lock. Bike rides to the park. Book reading in the sun. Organic juice? Yes. Sunglasses.

I'm producing a graphic novel within the next 12 months with an amazing cousin of mine. I feel like we were placed in the same family cosmically for a reason. I really should just surround myself and my life with the production of my literature. I should consciously be working consistently towards these goals as much as I possibly can. The 5 piece anthology. Reading for research. Frankenstein and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is what it'll be, I think. I look forward to it.
Do you like your birth name? If you had the opportunity to change it, would you? What new name would you choose?



The name of of a robust citrus fruit, I'm pretty into it. The name of strength, I'm totally feelin it. I'm thankful for the first, second, and the last, and I wouldn't change a thing.

June 2nd, 2010

PMS

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You know this isn't all that bad. I actually can appreciate being able to feel this much. I feel like my life just woke up. I think my life just changed. I think this is the very change I've been looking for. Well would you look at that break in the road. Holy shit. A fuckin break.

I'm behind you 100%

I love you a lot.

My fears are dissolving.

Lets keep talking please.

You know who you are.

Yes, indeed, youarethegreatest.


Holy shit I think I've wasted enough time!

May 12th, 2010

Saturday

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I finished Fiction II today. I feel accomplished. And more like a woman than I ever have before. And this is only the beginning. Dopeness.

May 11th, 2010

La Roue de La Fortune

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Finished editing my first full movement. Well, that I actually like. The other was a parody and doesn't count. But this one, this one's gotta a little bit of ma heart, and a little bit a ma sooooul. I want to get it published.

everything else is all work no play. well kinda. Kelly came over and cut my hair and I feel like a new woman. I love that shit. I got really fucked up that night. Mixing red and white and endless smoking. That shit was ridick. Surprised that bitch still talks to me. Came home wasted on sangria last night, after hangin with Nicko. I hope I changed some lives. I broke 3 fucking plates. The old ones I think I ate off of when I was a little girl. My granny gave me that shit. It's always the liquor isn't it.

I'm tired as fuuuck. Words matter most to me right now. As they are the substance which my life revolves. Passing out in 3...2..

April 28th, 2010

Simple Enough

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Completed one of my first full movements that I am really excited about. So weird when...holy shit this story that's inside my head...I created it. All those images I'm so fond of, and enjoy seeing and thinking about...those are mine. I love the fact that I'm so good at something. I love the fact that I've fallen in love with a part of myself that is truly substantial.

Stephen Stephen Stephen. God, that's all I can say.

I want straight A's at the close of this semester.

I want love.

I want money.

I want this to be the best summer ever.

Aaand, I want Stephen just as the summer breaks. In.

Fuck Merlot. Its bedtime.

April 25th, 2010

fuck you

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I'm healthier than I have been in a really long time, and I am so thankful for it. And alot hornier than I have been in a long time. Good thing my mindset is the same.

Money.

Stephen Stephen Stephen. That's all I can say.

Outdoors I think of how he'll make me look.

Indoors I think about how much I want him here. He seems like the perfect person to bury my face in.

Either way, I'll keep this singularity until the right one comes. Whatever right means.
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